


Two men, one gru

by S0me_Tr1ckst3r



Category: Despicable Me - Fandom, Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Gru - Freeform, Hot, Love at First Sight, M/M, Seg c, Two men one gru, despicable me, hxh - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 1950-01-01
Updated: 1950-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:22:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 2,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29773353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/S0me_Tr1ckst3r/pseuds/S0me_Tr1ckst3r
Summary: Leorio and illumi both have loving husbands at home but their relationships must come to a stop after seeing the seg c ness that is gru 🥵🥵🥵🥵
Relationships: Gru/leorio paladiknight, Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck, Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight, illumi zoldyk/gru
Kudos: 3





	1. Illumi x gru

**Author's Note:**

> My friends wrote this and they both need help if they decide to write more I shall post more as for how pls send help they scare me

Illumi walks down the crowded town, bumping into people as he walked. His luscious crunchy hair blows in the light breeze as he struts. His big eyes spot a bright yellow mob. Confused, he approaches it. There he sees a mob of short blob like minions. They seem to be speaking a gibberish like language along with some obnoxious laughing. Illumi judges them silently. Another figure enters the mob of yellow, but this times hes tall an slender. He has no hair, a big nose, and a very large bust. His long legs stride into the mob and he takes Illumi's hand. "Are you lost" he takes a dramatic pause as his lustful accent smoothly entices Illumi, "baby gorl". Illumi is absolutely smitten. He has a husband at home, hisoka, waiting for him but he figured a break wouldn't hurt anyone. He stares dead at the man. "Im illumi zoldyck, you're very segc" he said in a low tone. "I am Gru, you also very segc". Illumi is carried bridal style away and out of the mob of yellow. His relationship with hisoka soon forgotten due to the segc gru.


	2. Leorio x gru

Leorio was walking, it was surprisingly nice weather today; kurapika was at home, peacefully sleeping and thinking about his husband. Leorio was wearing a blue suit that fit him perfectly; he had the same one all throughout his closet. His tie was slightly off so he stopped to fix it, however he spotted something before he could get the chance. He held in his breath for a moment, time had seemed like it stopped. A small breeze went by and he almost farted upon seeing him. The man he was staring at seemed slightly round, with a stripped black and dark grey thing around his neck I forgot what it’s called. His black sweater gave off the sexiest aura he’d ever seen. You could tell just by looking at him he was the definition of sex appeal. He hesitated. Then walked over. However, suddenly he heard another voice. *oh god it’s illumi* he thought. They were.... flirting? Leorio now realized that he couldn’t just walk the other way now, he was already heading towards them and they noticed. *damnit* he cringed. Leorio, pushing his hair back, approached the man and did a chacha slide. “Hey....ya mind if I get yer number babe?” 😏 Leorio asked. Gru had stopped talking to illumi and bit his lip. “Hey sexy. Are you a despicable supervillain? Because I want to serve you” Gru replied. “B-b-baka” 😫 Leorio shouted impulsively. “O-oh no did I just say that? I’m such a stupid neko-Chan” he blushed and stood away, embarrassed. “Kitten no need to worry give me ur discord we can talk there kitten” Gru stated.


	3. Leorio x gru

after a long day, Leorio got onto discord. It was night and kurapika was sleeping so it should be fine, he wouldn’t notice. Leorio noticed a message and remembered what had occurred earlier in the evening. *oh yeah, that man... what was his name again? He never seemed to tell me.*. Leorio clicked on the message. It said: “will you be my little alt kitten? My minions over here would love to see feet pics send them over bb I’m in the mood” 😏. Leorio got flustered and his inner anime girl came out suddenly once again. He replied: “y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-you want my feet pictures uwu? W-why??? 🥺🥺🥺 *blushes cutely*”. Gru smirked and got excited at this little comment his cute kitten made. He tipped his fedora and texted smug “Leorio neko-chan...I....know why you wouldn’t want to talk to me anymore *sighs* I’m... just to dangerous. Y-you should stay away. People around me always seem to get hurt... my emotions are too deep to handle. Sorry if asking for feet pics was too much”. Leorio got scared. He didn’t want his master gru to leave him! He sent the toe pics. His hair on his feet and the fungus underneath the nail would surely satisfy his senpai.


	4. Illumi x gru

Illumi was pissed off that Leorio stole his man. That night he strolled the town with a purpose though. He could have him for now. But Illumi found a better way around this issue. He pulled his crop top up ever so slightly, flipped his hair, and then strutted away over to someone else. Gru was handsome, the man he wanted. So the only way to have him and steal him away was by going from the outside in. He finds a man with a similar body type to Geu. Except he has a head full of blond hair. Dru, Gru's twin brother. "Hey" Illumi said with absolutely no emotion. Dru blinked and then smirked. "Hey bestie" he replied. Illumi puts a hand on his hip and stares dead at Dru. His eyes red from not blinking for 20 years. He sends a slow wink at Dru, finally hydrating his eye after those 20 years. "You're so hot. Let's get together" Illumi said. "Ofc! You're so cute! Yes!" Dru said enthusiastically, his accent similar to Grus but not as nice. Illumi planned on getting with Dru so then he can spend more time at the twins house. Once he got there then he could work on seducing Gru and finally getting his man back


	5. Leorio x gru

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so scared 😭 why elyse why 😭

After a fun discord night with Gru, his senpai, Leorio Chan didn’t receive any more messages for a few days. He probably had enough material to last him awhile. Leorio decided he was better than this and he shouldn’t be used just for feet pics like an absolute king should. He knocked on the door, and there was gru, his beloved senpai with the fedora. Leorio was so confident up until now. He had the courage to actually get to his house but now? He wasn’t so sure. He put his baka uwu mask aside and did a scandalous action! He took gru’s face and smashed it into his. Other people who were witnesses have claimed this was a traumatic experience for them and that they have nightmares about it till this day. But Leorio says otherwise. Gru and Leorio started aggressively making out and Leorio pissed a little in the process. “W-whoopsie!!! Baka I’m so embarrassed I didn’t mean that to happen!” Leorio said shyly. “Don’t worry bb I have a piss kink” replied gru seductively. They then were called the cops on and gru snitched on Leorio because he took his mask off and showed a criminal offense which was hurting the public’s eyes. Leorio, screaming for his master senpai gru, got shoved into a cop car and was taken away. “N-no!!!!” Leorio screamed. Gru told the cops he just wanted feet pics and he wasn’t charged much, he was filthy rich anyway. The cop got into the car with Leorio “shuddup and don’t struggle” he stopped and sniffed the air. Why.... do you smell like shit? Leorio blushed. This.. was a compliment to him. He tried to take as little of showers as he could to make him more seductive to men like gru. “W-why bby? Do you want to come here and give me a smooch?” “Oh god no keep your crusty lips away from me bitch” the cop shouted back. This just proved to Leorio that no man could ever be like how gru treated him. Gru was such a nice guy and so sexy too this nasty cop couldn’t compare to his gru. Some might call Leorio a yandere for this, but he couldn’t care.


	6. Illumi x gru

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I JUST WANTED A NIGHT OF PEACE BUT INSTEAD I GET THIS 😭😭😭😭
> 
> Oh god I just realized that a digital footprint exists 😀 welp say goodbye to any future employments. I love you guys but you’re really ruining my life with this fic.

Illumi and Dru got along well. But he wasn't as good as Gru. After talking for a while Illumi was invited over to Dru and Gru's place. This was his opportunity to finally get his hands on Gru. He knocked on the door and the blond man greeted him. Oh how he wished it was Gru instead. Illumi walked in. "Sorry is you head stuff, my brother has a manz over" Dru said as he walked in the kitchen to prepare some tea. Illumi's eyes went orange with bloodlust. No. It can't be. He outside and sees the whole exchange with the cops.. Tears welling up in his eyes when he sees the love of his life and Leorio together. No! This isn't how its supposed to go! The tears fall down Illumis face as he watched with envy. The jealously wells into anger soon enough. He ran over to Gru and grabbed his arm as Leorio was shoved in the cop car to get taken away. "Gru! I love you! I can do better than Leorio!" He said confidently before throwing some of his push pins at the cop car to emphasize his point. "Go with me instead!" He begged. Little did he know Dru was watching in the shadows, planning his revenge.


	7. I don’t even know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m scared

Leorio, just before the cop drove away, heard the sounds of yelling. He turned his head and there he saw him, Illumi, his enemy. *what...is he doing here* he wondered and his heart sunk. “I love you!!” He heard illumi yell and he thought he was going to throw up. *He’s trying to steal gru Chan from me!!* he thought angrily. No matter, gru would never accept illumi as a partner. However, he was unable to hear his answer as they were driving away to the prison. Leorio thought of an idea. He put on his cute smile and lifted his skirt a bit. Not a lot but just to show his upper thigh. He tapped the cops shoulder bc this is a cop car that has no barrier in between the person arrested and the cops. “Hey there” he said in his most seductive voice he could. Look over here big guy. The cop turned around enraged. That anger suddenly became shock when he saw Leorio Chan trying to seduce him. “WHAT IN THE HELL-“ he was cut off as Leorio showed no mercy and sucker punched this fucker in the face. He *cutely* threw his passed out body from the car and got in the front seat. Could Leorio drive? Hell no! Was he gonna anyway? Hell yes! He drove like it was GTA and almost slammed into a building, running over the cop in the process. No one was in the front of the house anymore so Leorio smashed the car into the house in order to make a dramatic entrance. He slammed open the door and put on his brightest shade of pink lipstick on and uncovered his feet. It was time to confront his enemy. Illumi.


	8. The final battle begins? I think?

Once the car hit the house, Dru's revenge was cut short. Dru was standing not in the house, but near it.. He was killed on impact since some of the debris flung at him conveniently. Rip Dru, you will not be remembered at all. Illumi glared at Leorio. He was a trained assasin so this was objectively going to be easy. But once he saw how God awful Leorio was looking he flinched. Not only did he smell awful but he looked horrendous too. Illumi tied his hair back and moved Gru aside. "Watch and learn baby, im superior" he winks again, ah yes his eyes very much need the blinking. Illumi cartwheels towards Leorio but backs away immedietly due to the stench. "Do you even shower?! As a zoldyck I think wasting my talents to kill you would offend my whole whole blood line" he deadpanned as he backed away, taking out pins instead as a weapon.


	9. Final battle part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is all 13 of my reasons

Leorio did a sailor moon like transformation. He became a cute anime neko right in front of them. Gru saw this and started sweating. “T-this is just too hot 🥵”. Leorio did a “Nyah!” And the fight was on. Illumi stood back and Leorio used Jotaro as a bridge to make his way over to him as the amount of piss was rising levels. Whoever won this fight was sure to gain Grus everlasting love. Leorio pounced and nuzzled uwu illumi and did his little dancy dance. Illumi was disgusted. Bolgy wolgy was playing in the background however the fight was cut short as illumi had stuck needles into Leorio causing him to go back to his less attractive form and illumi passed out from the smell of shart in the process.


	10. Kill me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I regret staying online

Illumi was out cold. Passed out. Done for. But a figure from the beyond called out to him. It was none other than his own brother, Killua. "Stay dead bitch" Killua said lovingly. Illumi got hit with a sudden burst of inspiration. He used his main protagonist powers to levitate in the air and chuck a barrage of pins at leorio. His hair whipped around leorio's neck and threw him across the lawn. "Owo! I will win the love of Gru!" He stands back on the floor and goes over to the man he loves. Kissing him lightly on the very pointy nose. Then he returns to his battle stance, hoping that Leorio won't get up. "KILLUA GIVE ME STREGTH!" He yelled. Killua cries.


	11. What the fawk

Leorio was out cold. The sudden hit of the ground and illumis disgusting crusty hair around his neck was enough to make him pass out. This fight was over (sadly). Gru had now accepted illumi as his new partner. Oh how this would make Leorio mad if he was awake. After a few hours of Leorio laying on the ground with no help, he awoke. The clothes he was wearing, though not clean even before this had happened, were even dirtier now. The absolute shit just layered on his clothes and now dirt would make anyone throw up. He knew what he needed; a glow up. Leorio ran to billy bob jones the local homeless guy and stole his clothes for whatever reason. Listen, Leorio needed these clothes more than this bitch across the road. The guy started yelling at him but he couldn’t care less he was already undressing. He threw the shit clothes onto someone’s car. *sigh* it was so hard doing charity work nowadays. They’ll be sure to appreciate the clothes. He started putting the homelessmans clothes on and was disgusted. This wasn’t Leorio Chan worthy! This had...holes in them! Ugh!!!! He decided he would run bare ass naked. He looked cuter like this anyway. He ran into the nearest taco bell and decided to twerk for free food. It worked! The cashier was so disgusted that he just threw the food at him. Guess the crust in between his asscheeks really did good after all. Leorio sat down in the restaurant, paying no mind to those who stared. As he started eating his taco, he thought of a plan so brilliant it had to work: he was going to get his revenge by killing the Presidents wife and seducing the President into marrying him (this is back when trump was President). Then he would be able to have control from the inside. Leorio licked the taco crumbs off his lips. Time to set the plan into action.


	12. Kurapika comes into the picture

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey besties i actually wrote this chapter 😼😼😼😼😼 my boy kurapika needed some screen time so I did what I had to do

Kurapika awoke from his slumbers and turned to the side. He noticed his tall sexy husband wasn’t there. “Leorio?” He called. No answer. ‘Maybe he left for work’ he thought. ‘Bitch what work that man would be homeless if it weren’t for you’ he realized. He decided to get up and get dressed. He put on his sexiest suit and got a bag and stuffed a maid dress and cat ears in it. ‘Just in case’ he thought. He walked out of his house and went looking for leorio. Kurapika soon found leorio at where ever the fuck they are at with illumi and some tall bald man. “Yo leorio what the fuck my guy” he called out. “Omg babi” leorio screeched “it isn’t what you think!” Kurapikas eyes turned bright red as he ran over and drop kicked leorio into the sun. “Grrrr” said kurapika. “My my and who are you” said the bald man” “im kurapika” said kurapika. “Well well well” said gru “how would you feel being my discord kitten 🥵” kurapika hissed. Gru grabbed kurapikas bag and emptied out its contents. “Why don’t you put this on baby gorl 🥵🥵🥵” said gru holding up the maid dress and cat ears. Kurapika obliged and put it on. “You like?” Said kurapika with a smirk. “Oh yessss” said gru sexily. “Nya~” said kurapika as he started doing his dancey dance “oooo yuh get it ig 🥵” said gru “I’m terribly sorry” began kurapika “but I’m afraid I’ll need to be paid to continue on with my services” “how much you want babi” said gru “999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 bucks in cash” said kurapika seductively. “Anything for you darling” said gru taking a giant brief case filled with cash out “here take it” he said. “Nya~” said kurapika as he took the brief case “now please continue” said gru. Kurapika paused “YOU FOOL” he screamed “IT WAS A SCAM NOW I HAVE ALL THE MONEY I NEED TO GO FETCH MY CLANS EYES HAHAHAHAHA” with that kurapika ran off into the distant sunset with his maid dress, cat ears, and money.


End file.
